I spent my last full day in Australia in Manly, (my first true Australian love,) and couldn’t help but stare in awe at my surroundings as I left to board the afternoon ferry…partially feeling as though my heart was tearing in two but more so thankful that I’ve been able to call this treasure of the earth home for a short period of my life. I’ve spent the past few days questioning my decision with a growing fear that Australia has become so much of a home to me that my own will feel unfamiliar when I arrive. Last night at dinner with Lily and Sukie, Lily asked me what my favourite memory is and what I will miss most. I began recalling so many memories, explorations, conversations but felt myself at a stand still. I found myself caught between memories of feeling alone in the world when I arrived to the love that I now feel as I leave the only “adult life” I’ve ever known and friends that have turned into my family. My heart has been hurting a great deal thinking about waking up to a sleeping Sydney…and falling asleep to the opposite. I find myself fearing how much I will miss my favorite barista and the family owners at my local grocer; the fact that I often can’t understand what my friends are saying because the R is silent and the crispy feeling of pink skin and sandy toes. At this time tomorrow, I’ll be on a plane, lost between two lives and times and sunsets. I’ll be as anxious as I am now, wondering what’s next and wondering if I’ve made the right choice. But it’s not a goodbye…it’s a see you soon.
When I came to Australia, I didn’t know what I wanted to do or what I could do or what I was capable of and though I still have doubts in my mind…I’ve grown confident in myself and can dive in fearlessly to my next chapter. I’ll miss waking up with Lily and Sukie and being able to go to the beach and explore unfamiliar areas but at the moment…Minneapolis seems to be as foreign as Sydney once felt and I’m ready to make the jump back, at least for now. X